So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
