What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
