Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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