If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
