Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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