She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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