Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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