A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
