i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize