omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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