I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
