Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize