i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
