Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
