if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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