I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
