It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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