Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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