home. puking in laundry basket.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
