Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
