Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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