I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my liver is dry heaving
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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