Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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