Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize