that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
