it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
