Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
