either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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