i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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