I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
