Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
