No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
