you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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