Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
