My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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