I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
