we have officially lost it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
