guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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