A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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