SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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