How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
