franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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