She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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