it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
