Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i out mim tonsoeep
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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