You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
