my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm really busy with my period
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