We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Someone signed my nipple.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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