i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
COCAINE IS GR8
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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