remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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