I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
