Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
