I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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