just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
