How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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