What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
