if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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