Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize