mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
