the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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