Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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