the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
