I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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