....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
