Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
