This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
