They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
where does the pee come out of this thing
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't deserve a penis
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
