NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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