Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
