and you said cock pushups were impossible
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize