i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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