youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize