I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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