The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
