I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
