Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
