I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
