If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
