I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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