Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
