Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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