i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
