oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i love accidental penises.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
