I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i think my cat just said my name.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
