Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
