Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
