Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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