She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
