Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
