Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
