apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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