weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
