What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
