Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
