Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
