Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
