update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
