This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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