she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
