I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
