I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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