Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
